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Do we need our friends to survive?

No, of course not.

But it is one of those things which give value to survival.

Ending a relationship can be heartbreaking and depressing, but what about ending a friendship? Relationships can be unfair, but friendships can be just as complicated. People often value friendship as something equally, if not more, important than family.

I never really gave friendship much thought in middle or elementary school. It seemed like I was friends with everyone — and I was! I consider myself super extroverted, though my parents disagree. Then the pandemic changed everything. COVID-19 feels like it robbed me of my teenage years. Four years of middle school vanished like a snap of the fingers, and suddenly, I’m a freshman in high school.

Is it worth sacrificing your happiness for the sake of friendship? I’ve been wrestling with this question endlessly these past few weeks. It seems like sometimes, the closer you get with friends, the more they start to show their true colors. Or it’s more accurate to say, they start doing things to you they wouldn’t do to others. Good and bad, of course.

When I first met my friend W, we were both chatty, creative, and engaged in our conversations. We met at a school concert towards the end of last year, appreciating the performance together. Since we were sitting next to each other, we started talking.

Photo by Sam Balye on Unsplash

W was into trumpet, and he’s a total whiz with laptops. He’s a gamer, but also a really hard-working student — the kind constantly stressing about exams and GPA (FYI: this is a report card for your overall performance in high school, showing how well you’re doing across all your classes).

We’d chat online whenever we bumped into each other and coincidentally ended up taking the same Psychology course(though at different times). That gave us even more to talk about.

At first, it was mostly online chats and a quick “Hello” in the halls. Then, he started joining my lunch table crew. We’d talk about all sorts of stuff besides psychology — grades, games, you name it.

He’s the one who convinced me to buy my first Windows laptop after my Mac died, that was a significant help. Everything was cool for a while, but something felt… off. Before I knew it, the teasing, the sarcastic jabs — they all crept into our interactions. It got to the point where he would even crack inappropriate jokes at the lunch table, which made me super uncomfortable.

Friends’ behaviors change after they get to know you better.

Close friends can sometimes turn unkind.

Their hurtful words leave scars behind.

No right to gossip, no right to steal.

True friendship means respect is real.

When friends get closer to you it doesn’t mean they can hurt you.

It doesn’t mean they are ever allowed to say negative things to you.

It doesn’t mean they can talk bad behind your back.

It doesn’t mean they can browse your laptop without permission.

“I’m just joking, don’t take it seriously.”

“Get good, man.”

“Bruh, that’s dumb.”

“Quit flexing about your grades…”

Slowly, I realized that some friendships could hold us back. A healthy friendship, built on mutual understanding, is way better than one filled with negativity.

Looking back, I blame myself for never having the courage to speak up. The idea of approaching a friend with sincerity and honesty — I could never do it.

I’ve never apologized to a friend before or offered them genuine comfort. It’s crazy — I can support strangers on mental health platforms as a listener but fall apart when it comes to my friends. What’s the logic behind that?

We should treat our friends the same way we treat everyone else. Equality matters. There’s one exception for me, though: family. They come first, always, no matter what.

Should we be less formal with our friends than with our teachers?

Should we treat our buddies like anyone else on the street?

What makes friends so special?

Psychology class taught me that people act differently depending on the situation and the people they’re with.

After I started distancing myself from W, I felt this shift inside me. It was like my rational side finally took over. If I want my friends to treat me a certain way, I’ve got to lead by example. I started being more polite, and more careful with my words, to everyone I interacted with — classmates, acquaintances, and friends. Something had enlightened me.

I started greeting my friends with a “Good morning” or “Good evening,” just like I do with teachers or family. I ditched the meaningless chatter and even cut out abbreviations like LOL and LMAO. One of the biggest changes was online — I stopped feeling the need to be connected with my friends 24/7. I don’t rely on them to do my work anymore; I only reach out with genuine needs.

The whole vibe feels more peaceful and genuine now. Even though it might seem like I sacrificed the “realness” of friendship, I gained something way more important. It’s bad to overshare. Keep your thoughts close sometimes. We can always talk too much, but never too little.

Some of my friends have commented on this shift, saying I’m calmer now, and they’re right. Along with stepping back from some friendships, I’ve formed new ones that feel more purposeful. Like with my History classmate — we help each other with math daily and have deeper conversations, offering support and advice online.

If you’re struggling with friends too, here’s some of my honest advice (take it as my opinion, not gospel truth):

We need to separate friends from acquaintances. Just because someone sits next to you in Calculus doesn’t mean you have to be besties. Choose your friends carefully, and always reserve the right to change your mind. Because of this, some childhood friends became just that — childhood memories. School friends drifted into casual classmate territory. It’s how it should be. It’s wrong to think that more friends equals a happier life. It’s about finding those best-fit friendships, just like in a relationship. And you might not always find that perfect fit.